Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 11, 2017


"And they live happily ever after."

That’s what I gathered from the movies how marriage would be like. Two people unite and start their married life together. Marriage was supposed to be something beautiful, wonderful, and heartwarming.

The other reason why I looked forward to getting married was because I needed help in this life journey (Genesis 2:18), I wanted to be close to my helper ( my wife) always (Genesis 2:24). I wanted to be a friend to her, and to my children.

However, when the opportunity to get married finally came in the Month of April 2012, I wasn’t so sure anymore. But then, I was encouraged by the word of God (Proverbs 18:22 NIV ''He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD'' ) and in Proverbs 19:14 NLT ''Fathers can give their sons an inheritance of houses and wealth, but only the LORD can give an understanding wife''. 

My struggle before getting married

For one, I wasn’t totally sure my girlfriend was “the one”. How could I know for sure that she was given to me by God? Am I sure I can live with her (different tribe, language, and background)? Am I the right person for her? Can she be my helper? I had so many questions and they overwhelmed me.

That’s when I had to remind myself why I started dating her in the first place. Being a busy person, I've prayed about right partner and I too have been a right candidate all along. Then, I got a message from one pastor on radio programme, that in the very place I am, my helper will locate me, and it was fulfilled. At the start of the relationship, We had asked ourselves some basic questions. Does she fear God? Is she respectful and faithful? What if this relationship progressed to marriage?

When I remembered her answers and the commitment we made to each other when we started dating, and after getting to know her better through our courtship, I became assured that she was the right one and finally agreed to marry her.

My struggle after getting married

After getting married however, I realized that marriage was not always beautiful, wonderful, and heartwarming; it was certainly not a party. Marriage was in fact, life after the party. Married life involves two people with different backgrounds trying to live life together—and that can be very challenging when you are from different region and language.

Before we got married, my girlfriend and I only met once a month or so but seeing each other from afar in our working place, so our differences didn’t really bother us. But after getting married and having to live together, our differences have become a lot more noticeable.

I don't eat much food and in my tribe we have limited variety of foods. My wife likes eating good food. So now that we are one, we allowed ''give and take'' to operate in our home, we must consider each other’s preferences. And when she cook at home, she doesn't need to cook two different meals to fit both our taste buds. Our differences have become something that we have to let go, and deal with the rest that we cannot let go for a lifetime.
Couple quarreling

Another conflict involves our sleep schedules. My wife is an early bird, and she is full of energy in the morning. So she go to bed early and wake up early. But in my own case, however, am a night owl. This is a problem because we sleep in the same room. My wife just want to hide her face under her pillow, cover her ears and sleep off, But I on the other hand, stays awake in order to work on something, while my wife, some time yell, “Turn the light off, close the windows! come to bed!”

I must confess, My wife work very hard and smart to the extent that, it make me angry due to her multitasking, I always encourage her to take a rest. But I am not gifted with speed and multitasking.

These might seem like simple problems, but if they are not resolved well, they can be detrimental for the relationship.

One day, I came across a prayer by American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr. It was a beautiful prayer which inspired me to deal with my marriage problems wisely:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,

courage to change the things which should be changed,

and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Reading that prayer reminded me that there are things we can’t change. Instead, we need to adapt to and accept those things. I can’t change the fact that my wife likes eating good food and she is an early bird. What I can do is to learn to adapt and accept her preferences.

Sometimes, it can be a challenge when my wants differ from her wants. But if it’s just about what I want, I need to compromise—to do something just because it’s important to my spouse and for the good of our family. If I want to guard the peace in my relationship (Romans 12:18), I need to learn to give in.

When we learn to submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21), we are able to build a harmonious marriage. The little differences don’t bother us anymore.

In the last five years of my marriage, I felt God refining and shaping me through every good and bad experience with my wife. Though we still face differences in our characters and habits, I am reminded that the purpose of marriage is not the pursuit of happiness. But that was a lie, if the couple truly allow God to have His way in their lives, if they obey God and let His will concerning marriage be done, Happiness is part of marriage. Psalm 1:1-3,  Psalms 1:1–2, 19:8, 32:8–11, 34:8–14, 40:4, 106:3, 112:1, 119:1–2, 22–4, 69–70, 143–4, 128:1–6.

American author Gary Thomas writes in his book, marriage is a means through which God refines us, so that we become more like Him.  When someone gets married, they go through God’s refining and shaping process. Happiness is not the purpose, but an extra that God gives to us when we go through the process.
The couple resolved their differences

So, is marriage wonderful? Yes. But that doesn’t mean that there won’t be any problems, or that everything will be peaceful, or everyone happy. Marriage isn’t like the movies. Instead, it is beautiful because my faith and knowledge about God grows, and also my character.

Lastly, whatever you are going through in your marriage, handle it wisely and consult the founder of marriage (Almighty God) that instituted marriage. Don't be a reactionist, let it be a win win whenever there is an issue, You and your partner are not competing, therefore be open minded and put God first in every decision.

Remember, even tooth and tongue also quarrel and quickly resolve the problem amicably by eating the food in the mouth together. God bless you as you handle your marriage issue peacefully.

Ref: Juli Vesiania, Holy Bible, Reinhold Niebuhr
Read More

Sunday, June 18, 2017


1. There is nothing that threatens the security of a wife than the thought of another woman competing for the attention and affection of her husband. Nothing is more painful. Nothing is more disrespecting. Nothing is more insulting. Nothing is more belittling and degrading.

2. Marriage flourishes when the couple work together as a team; when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score.
Good marriages don't just happen. They are a product of hard work.

3. Your children are watching you and forming lasting opinions on love, commitment, and marriage based on what they see in you. Give them hope. Make them look forward to marriage.

4. Husbands: The reason why other women look attractive is because someone is taking good care of them. Grass is always green where it is watered. Instead of drooling over the green grass on the other side of the fence, work on yours and water it regularly. Any man can admire a beautiful woman, but it takes a true gentleman to make a woman admirable and beautiful.

5. When a husband puts his wife first above everyone and everything except God, it gives his wife the sense of security and honor that every wife hungers for.

6. A successful marriage doesn't require a big house, a perfect spouse, a million dollars or an expensive car. You can have all the above and still have a miserable marriage. A successful marriage requires honesty, undying commitment and selfless love and God at the center of it all.

7. Pray for your spouse every day; in the morning, in the afternoon and at evening. Don’t wait until there is a problem. Don’t wait until there is an affair. Don’t wait until something bad happens. Don’t wait until your spouse is tempted. Shield your spouse with prayer and cover your marriage with the fence of prayer.

8. The people you surround yourself with have a lot of influence on your marriage. Friends can build or break your marriage; choose them wisely.

9. One spouse cannot build a marriage alone when the other spouse is committed to destroying it. Marriage works when both husband and wife work together as a team to build their marriage.

10. Don't take your spouse for granted. Don't take advantage of your spouse's meekness and goodness. Don't mistake your spouse's loyalty for desperation. Don't misuse or abuse your spouse's trust. You may end up regretting after losing someone that meant so much to you.

11. Beware of marital advice from single people. Regardless of how sincere their advice may be, most of it is theoretical and not derived from real life experiences. If you really need Godly advice, seek it from God-fearing, impartial and prayerful mature couples whose resolve has been tested by time and shaped by trials.

12. Dear wife, Don't underestimate the power of the tongue on your marriage. The tongue has the power to crush your marriage or build it up. Don't let the Devil use your tongue to kill your spouse's image, self-confidence and aspirations. Let God use your tongue to build up your marriage and bless and praise your spouse.

Please, send this to as many couple as you know, love and care about.

Also send to singles to help prepare their minds for marriage. God bless you.

Credit: Bishop David Oyedepo

Read More

Saturday, June 10, 2017


Whether or not you are in a relationship, kindly read this post. I came Across it on a friend’s Facebook page, but I’m sharing it because I know it can and will save marriages and relationships.

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. 

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. 

But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. 

So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. 

Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me…she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. 

Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. 

I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office….jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. 

I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. 

Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. 

She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. 

My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. 

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. 

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Do have a real happy marriage!

Read More

Saturday, June 3, 2017


"MARRIAGE is like a shoe. When you wear oversize, be ready to drag it along through out life, and when you wear under-size be ready to feel the pains through out life".

One thing about marriage is that you don't drop your shoe or remove it at any point, no matter how painful or how stressful it is. That is why I thought it necessary to write you this letter. Click here to read ''7 Ways Shoes Are Like Marriage''

Dear Singles, When you are ready to buy your own shoe please take note of these three things:

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE : Do not look for the beautiful ones, the nice ones or the cheap ones. Look for the one that is your size. Not every handsome, wealthy or intelligent guy is for you, not every beautiful woman is for you. Look for the one that is meant for you, the one that aligns with your values and belief, the one who you meet at your life's journey. It is important to know where you're going in life before you think of getting a wife or husband. READ ALSO ''A TWISTED VIEW OF MARRIAGE IN AFRICA'' HERE

POSITION : All sizes of shoes are not placed in the same place. There is a place for court shoes, laced up shoes, sport footwear, snickers etc. We have Children sizes, young people's sizes and the adult sizes. Know where to get your own shoe. Your size cannot be everywhere my brother, your type cannot be everywhere my sister. You cannot be a Christian, and be looking for a wife material at a club. Your wife or husband can't just be everywhere. Stick to your values and therein you shall find someone like you, but when your values are not defined anyone can just match you. Discover yourself and define your values.

PERCEPTION : In this kind of shoe purchasing enterprise, you are not permitted to try the shoe before you buy. This is why it is important to seek guidance and counseling, from people who have bought shoes before or are into the business of directing people to the right shoes (Pastors and Relationship coaches). And most importantly to avoid much time wasting time, simply consult the SHOE MANUFACTURER to tell you your size (GOD ALMIGHTY ).

"You do not prepare for wedding, you prepare for marriage." Ladies these days get so motivated when they attend wedding and they will quickly want to say yes to that guy.

Wait!!! It is not just the wedding oh. The wedding is just one day. After the wedding WHAT NEXT?

Also Read ''Enemy Of Marriage'' here

Finally, it is not something you rush to the market and just pick a shoe because you like or can purchase it. Ask questions -Where is this shoe made from? (Background) -What's the size (Values) -How much (His/Her interest) -How long will it last (His/Her Character) -Who made it? (Is she/He of the same faith This is compatibility) -Will it match me? (This is whether he/she love you and will accept you the way you are)

Dear one, remember many are dragging their foot and they would hardly reach their destinies, many are feeling endless pains and wish they could pull off the shoes but no way!!! I have seen people with beautiful shoes and when they show you their foot, you will see scars.

Beloved, it is not about the physical, it is the size, you can't know the size from afar so come close, build a relationship first but remember 'you are not permitted to try it before you buy it'.

And for those who have purchased the wrong shoes, you can still make it your size again if you'd consult the manufacturer and let Him have His way in your marriage. God bless us all.

Read More

Sunday, May 28, 2017


I am 32 years old. Me and my ex hubby dated for six years, I started dating him whilst I was in grade 12, I was 19 years old. We were best of friends, I waited until he completed college and started work, my family and his family then met, we got married and had a son. (7 years old now).

My husband was short tempered at times, but our problems started when I wanted to make him feel he can’t lead me. Every time we argue, I would pack my bags, go to my family and explain. My sisters would phone my husband and shout at him. Whenever he direct me I would always dare him that if you wish divorce me- I never wanted divorce, I just had pride and I never wanted to look a lose in his eyes.

One day I pushed him so had that for the first time he beat me and lock me out side, I went to my family, my family took him to police, every time I looked like I am being abused! But to be honest, I used to abuse my husband emotionally.

He was arrested and detained. I was asked by his family to withdraw the case, I felt that what I was doing is wrong.

My husband was never a violent man, he did what he did because I pushed him to the wall. Of which he openly knelt down and apologized. I withdrew the charge, and we reconciled.
After three months, I packed my bags after a small issue, and he remained alone. After two days I received a call that he is in hospital, my family told me that I shouldn’t go there because it will look like am begging him, and my sisters believed he is faking the illness.

All this time, people felt sorry for me like I was the one being abused. He spent a week in hospital, after he came out, I just received a divorce summon. I wanted to say no to divorce, but because I felt this pride, I wanted him to change his mind and beg me, I called him and say he will get the divorce because I live like am in hell.

When we went to court, I wanted to make him pay, so I told the court that I needed his properties to be shared. To my surprise he openly told the court that whatever he and me acquired together should be given to me, all he wanted was divorce.

We got divorced in 2009 July.

Now, this Saturday my husband is getting married again, whilst I am here wasted! My family are gossiping about me, I depend on what my ex gives to my son for survival. I know I wasted my marriage. I am here telling all wives to be careful how you get advise. Don’t be cheated. Even my young sisters are much more respected than me. 

Those who encouraged me to divorce are always bad mouthing me.
There is no benefit in pride!

This is a perfect example and advise for those dancing in some overrated ego.
Be cautious and avoid enemy of progress disguised as closed family, friend, adviser to destroy your home. 

Work on yourself and on your partner, as long you both follow the solid foundation of marriage as laid down by God, you both will sort out your differences, work on each other weakness, and remain faithful to each other knowing fully that, both of you will render your account of stewardship to your maker.

Credit:Relationship Matters Forum
Read More

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

7 Ways Shoes are Like Marriage

We had a wedding to go to, one recently. My feet had not returned to pre-child size (add that to the list of things they don’t tell you will happen to your body). So, to my horror as I stepped into my high heel and realized it fit as well as the step-sister in the glass slipper, I realized we had to make an emergency shoe run on the way to the wedding.

Enter DSW Shoe Store.

I don’t think about shoes much. In fact, I have about three pairs of shoes that I regularly wear and that’s about it. Except, of course, my cowgirl boots. Those are exceptional and I do not even consider those shoes, they are like a dear friend. Moving on…

I was running down each aisle trying to find a pair of shoes for this wedding. I would not have given a deep thought to a shoe…. and then I saw it.

I could not stop looking at this shoe! I picked it up, held it in my hands, turned it over and over. “What do I like about this shoe?” I asked myself. I am not a collector of shoes and I really only buy a shoe if I need it…..why did I like this shoe? So many thoughts ran across my mind. Does it even match? What would I ever wear it with? Could the maker not make up their mind? Did it represent the best of both options? I had no idea. I put the shoe back down and kept looking.

After heading to the next aisle, I realized why I liked the shoe. It reminded me of my marriage!!

 I showed my husband and we had a good laugh. I found inspiration, but not a great pair of shoes to wear for the wedding. I settled on another pair of high heels that I have not worn again. Can you relate?!

ANYWAYS, that got me thinking…most people can relate to shoes – I mean, we all have feet right?! So, how are shoes like marriage? I laughed about it with my husband and here’s what we came up with.

7 Ways Shoes are Like Marriage:

1. Know the occasion you are buying for. (Too many people buy for convenience, cheap sale, spur of the moment. Wait for a lifelong commitment.)

2. One size does not fit all. (I am an odd, emotional, unique being. Newsflash: So are you. There’s really no reason to believe that one relationship will be exactly the same as that other couple you compare yourself to. Let go of trying to fit someone else’s style on your marriage. Be yourself and let your spouse be who they are. Marriages are custom made and that is beautiful.)

3. Shoes are going to get scuffed. (Life = Forgiveness. I would rather learn how to clean and repair my shoes than to walk around afraid to live in them. We all make mistakes. Our spouses are going to make mistakes. Keep walking together.)

4. They can turn an ordinary day into SPARKLE!!!! (Even though I am not a “shoe person,” I still know how it feels when I find just the right shoe for an event, race, or last year’s Military Ball. It feels FANTASTIC!!!! That’s also how it feels when a marriage is working as a team. Instead of looking to step on the other’s toes- we can look how to encourage the other to shine.)

5. They can stink!! (HA HA, but it’s true!! If anyone says their marriage is perfect I would say let me smell your shoes. We all have things God is helping us overcome. Yet, we don’t need to keep our nose in the odor – we can always rise above it.)

6. They are dependable. (A great pair of shoes are like a best friend. I have a pair of running shoes I bought for long shifts on the hospital trauma floor and I needed to be dependable yet comfortable. Those shoes are 8 years old and I STILL HAVE THEM! They are reliable, comfortable, and I will keep them because I have made so many great memories wearing them.

I want to be someone my spouse can depend on. Even on the long shifts and the late nights. I want us to work hard for each other and for the dreams we have yet to run towards together. I want us to keep each other. Even when we are too worn out to be of much use, then I want to, in stillness, walk through good memories in our hearts- together.)

7. Sometimes a great shoe steps in a bad pile of poo. (BUT That does not mean You are Poo. :) So keep on walking! Learning how to laugh through the rough spots and just keep moving forward is great for marriage – and great for life.)

I don’t really think a marriage can ever be defined as something so small as a shoe. But when I think about how hard life can be; the ups, the downs, the twists, the turns- there are always new adventures to face and new hurdles to jump over. I did not actually buy that high heel that I rushed over to. Turns out it was really uncomfortable, I wasn’t sure if it actually matched, and it was overpriced. But the DSW  “shoe and selfie” laughter my husband and I shared that day made me think seriously for a few weeks about shoes and marriage. So, here’s what I decided. I offered myself a shoe deal.

What if every time I stepped into my high heal, slipped on my flip flop, or laced up my running shoes – I asked myself this question,

“What can I do today, to take 1 step closer to my spouse?”

I put on shoes every single day. I think that if I took that question to heart, and took a step of action as my answer, then the road of marriage would be that much more fulfilling. I decided that even if my feet stink, I can still use them to make a positive step in my marriage, no matter what color or style of shoe I am wearing today.

Credit: Joy Brownlee RN. BSN. MED
Read More

Monday, December 26, 2016


My friend, Olalekan Ismaila, posted this interesting post on social media page, and I found it what sharing with you all. Enjoy it and let it enlighten you and others.

People will see a man washing his clothes and instead of minding their business, they'll say "Ahh Oga Ejike, go and marry so you'll stop washing".

They'll see a man cooking and be like "Bro Ade, you need to get married so you can stop cooking".

A mother will look at his 35years old son who cannot wash his own boxers, boil water for tea or even make his own bed....a 35years old that cannot take his plates to the kitchen after eating and tell him "James, you need to settle down....get a woman to take care of you".

In different ways, the society subconsciously tell men that they don't marry women for any reason other than cleaning, cooking and childbearing.

I begin to wonder, does the average Nigerian man need a wife or a glorified maid?
Many women look three times their age because of stress and exhaustion. 

You sit down in front of the TV with your phone and watching your wife working until she's about to pass out.

Men, who told you that it is wrong to wash your own plates?
Who told you that it is wrong to wash your own clothes?
Who told you that it is wrong to dress your bed when you wake up?
What will it take to help your partner with chores in the house?

If a man wanted to be adopted as a child to be pet, pampered, fed and nursed. Then, he need not to seek marriage, he should rather offer himself up for an adoption at a motherless home to be pick up.
If you want a wife.....then get wife.
But if you are getting married because you feel you're becoming too old to do your own chores then get a maid.
Read More
Powered by Blogger.